Accountability. Should I have an accountability group?

Welcome Back to Keep Inspiration Alive

Today we will be discussing Accountability - Are You Holding Yourself to a High Standard?

I am Mr. Michael Adams

I am a depression and PTSD survivor

Former Addict of narcotics and alcohol

Borderline Atheist

Found God through a spiritual awakening

Now Entrepreneur

Here to serve humanity

Yes.

First, let's get into what exactly an accountability group is. I'm sure everyone has their strategy as far as what they do inside an accountability group. I have no idea how they go about it. But I will share with you what has worked very well for me.

Again...

Take what works, and throw out the rest. Just like everything in life.

Who should have an accountability group?

Anyone who is serious about their life and advancing forward into their own success. Remember, success is defined by You, and You only. Here is a little list, to help stir your mind up in thought. Is this for you?

Addicts

Recovery (in or out)

Eating Disorders

Negative Mindset / Worldviews

Entrepreneurs

Personal Growth

There are many types of accountability groups. It's up to you to decide where you struggle or fall short in life. Then either find or make your own accountability group.

How exactly do accountability groups work?

Let's break this down, one by one.

Addicts

Go to Alcohol Anonymous or Narcotic Anonymous. Get comfortable with your group and sharing with the group. Mingle after each group setting. Us addicts or former addicts love to talk (am I right?), so do not be shy. If anyone knows your suffering, they do. Trust the process of opening up.

(side note)

Never glorify your drug of choice. EVER!!! You’re at this group for a reason. Because glorifying it has broken you down to this point of going. So obviously your words have had some self-sabotaging effects in your life (right?).

Now Knock It Off!!!

You are better than that.

What if I have issues with these gatherings?

I understand as they are not for everyone. I too struggled in those group settings. But... I did try, and so should you. Do not knock something until you try it. What works for some, May not work for others. But... (law of polarity dictates) What does not work for others, May work for some. So, give it a try and see.

Issues to be aware of.

Shame holds a lot of power over us. So, unless you get a sponsor that You Feel Safe With, and build up a report. Take what you hear with a grain of salt. One thing that I started noticing, was people's stories they were sharing with the group. People talking about the struggles they face in sobriety. This is true, sobriety at the beginning is very challenging, as we still need to be properly reprogrammed.

I wanted sobriety really bad. I'll be honest, it was hard. I was mostly on drugs more than I was off drugs. But... I did want it (sobriety). I then started noticing people celebrating marker points of their sobriety (6 months, 9 months, 1 year, etc.). I would watch them, and not say anything. I would watch their demeanor while they told their story. I noticed they had a hard time making eye contact with the group while speaking.

They were lying, and they knew that I knew that they were lying. As they had just picked up from the same dealer as me a couple of days prior.

People!!!! Do you know how discouraging that is for people who are there trying to take their sobriety seriously? It slowly kills the psyche and drains the soul of others. I used to think, so does everyone lie here? I have noticed this more than once, a lot more. Uff!!!

Maybe it's true. Maybe once an addict, always an addict...? Maybe I will never get off drugs...? Maybe... Blah Blah Blah.

Be aware of what your delusion of shame does to other people. We mess up. You are in a group that grasps that. So, for the love of God, Knock That Off! You are loved. You are in an environment of love and understanding, where people ego's (monkey mind) is lowered (for the most part). We get it. Stop lying, please!

What I would do differently.

Go to groups (I like outdoor settings), immediately identify the Leader of the group. Then identify who the sponsors are, who are wanting, and willing to help others. From there, I would only talk to them for extended periods of time. I would congratulate people and encourage people whose stories resonated with me. But not give them too much of my time or energy. Not at first. Because I am here on a mission. A mission to save my life. A mission to help me remember how to fully live again. From there, I would listen to all the sponsors and try to figure out which one is most like me. Which one do I relate to most? Do I trust him? Has he gone down a similar path as me? What was his experience on getting sober and staying sober? How many times did he fail, before he figured it out? What are his boundaries if I pick him to sponsor me? What are my boundaries of being helped? Once I identified all that, I would then build up the courage to ask that person if they could please help me. As I really need help with this process, and I am not sure where else to turn at this moment in time (lower my ego and just go for it).

From there, I would do Everything to the best of my abilities that he tells me to do. As he has already walked my path, and came out the other side. He obviously knows better than I do, so I must try, even if I highly, Highly doubt it. Because I am aware at this stage of getting sober, that my mind does and will play tricks on me. Take a deep breath, and trust the process. Besides, everything is trial and error. If what he tells me does not work, there are others I can try. Because I had already made friends with the other leaders. So, I will keep a good report with them, and get their phone numbers and talk to them every so often (not too often, but often enough).

What if I am socially awkward, and going to an in-person meeting is just too much for me to handle right now?

I totally grasp that, and it's ok. There are plenty of ways to still seek help. Try online in group pages. Facebook has many to choose from, just be creative in your search. Try typing in keywords like Recovery, Addiction, (your drug of choice) help. Just think to yourself what it is you are seeking help with, and type that in to see what may pop up. From there decide which one most gets your attention. Then analyze the audience inside, look at posts, and look at the response to those posts that resonated with you the most. Be aware of the audience size, and ask yourself... Do I want to share my story with a big audience or a small audience?

Big vs Small Audience

There are advantages and disadvantages to both. Let's go over a few of both, to help overstand what you may or may not be getting into. The advantage with a big audience is that you will always have people who respond to any and all posts you write, looking for help or advice.

The disadvantage is, it may get overwhelming to build reports with individuals. As there will be sooooo many posts, and it can get distracting and/or even damaging to your sobriety. As you will see so many struggles, so many people relapsing, so many ideas being thrown at you (that it puts you in a state of Paralysis by Analysis with too many options).

The advantage with small groups is, just that, they are small. Making it easier to get to know people more one on one and individually, even by just noticing the advice they give others in the comment section. This tends to make things easier to open up and talk more freely. Takes out the sting a bit by becoming more vulnerable inside the group (which, believe it or not, is a good thing).

The disadvantage of small groups is just that as well (they are small). Meaning that people may or may not be online 24 hours of the day, when you may Really need someone to talk to. People may not respond to any of your posts right away, or how algorithms are set these days, maybe your post may get passed, and not seen at all (depending on how many people post at that exact time). This can really be discouraging, and your mind can really play tricks on you. Thinking people are superficial, and do not care about you, but seem to only care about others. These are false thoughts and should be monitored carefully, do what it takes to shake those thoughts.

(small groups worked best for me)

Ask to become an Admin in the group.

This is an Ego hack. You just stepped up your game, so now your ego knows it Has To step up as well, or that monkey mind (ego) will become very embarrassed and feel shame. So, because you stepped up, your monkey mind (ego) will now step down. But do not be fooled, as that monkey mind (ego) will be on High Alert for a good amount of time until